ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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