is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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