The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.