clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls