Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!