dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."