they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
