I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
