Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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