why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
