This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
