I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
