This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
