What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
