We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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