Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
