you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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