would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
