omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
