Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
