yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize