Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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