A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
