Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
