her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
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Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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