he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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