Got a toothbrush?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
