he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
