my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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