Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
