break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize