my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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