U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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