Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
