living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Randomize
