we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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