I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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