It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
