Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Everclear isn't food dammit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
