All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
