**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
