having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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