I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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