Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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