i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
