im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
