I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
