You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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