tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
