Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
