Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
