dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
