my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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