Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
