you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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