I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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