Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
