perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
