I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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