no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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