You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
