I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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